Thursday, June 2, 2011

Day 36...have no fear...still here!

Yes, I’m still here and struggling to pull it all together…The last week or so has been a total disaster! My last post was on the 28th and the 29th we
woke up and stress came like a boulder. I had been woken up in the middle of the night by an anonymous phone call and had not had much sleep at all. I was in a terrible mood and so that put Jen in a bad mood as well.
Instead of working out we decided to make it a ‘free day’ and drink. Some of our neighbors were outside playing with a slip-n-slide and drinking so we took the kids down and started drinking. We were doing shots, drinking mix drinks and getting pretty wasted. Jen ended up getting sick and while I was checking on her Nehemiah slipped away from the crowd and friends we thought were watching him and wondered off all by himself! This is something that has NEVER happened to us, EVER! He was only gone a few moments and someone from the party saw him and brought him back but the whole thing scared Jennifer to the point she has decided to NEVER drink again.
She is normally the one who can drink and remain in control, where as I’m the one who usually drinks way too much. Anyway, We have fought, struggled and went back and forth the past week. I have been SOOO depressed and could barley drag myself out of bed. We have done NO exercise and I have gained almost ALL my weight back!!!
Last night we had a long talk and both committed to each other to be alcohol free…the few moments of fun NEVER have outweighed the bad circumstances. She thinks that I put too much focus on these ‘fitness challenges’ whether it be BFL-T.Com or others I have tried. I think she may be right. Being a stay at home Dad the challenges have become my ‘thing’ the thing that keeps me motivated and inspired. The one time we were able to drink and actually have a wonderful time with NO bad outcome was when we visited Florida. What was the difference? We had decided to not worry about any challenge and just have fun…so maybe that’s been my problem, I put sooo much of my focus and energy into these challenges that the moment something happens that sets me back I sink into deep depression!
So, I don’t really know where I am mentally right now as far as these ‘challenges’. I really don’t want to do a restart and part of me doesn’t want to even do it at all! I NEED to put more focus on my relationship with God, my family and then I think the health and fitness level I desire will automatically come.
Well, for now…I’m going to just keep going and see where things fall. Maybe if I put the majority of my focus on God and family then the rest will just fall into place! I might just stick with the BFL challenge as well…adding more is probably NOT in my or my family’s best interest right now.
So, that being said, if I don’t post everyday don’t worry…I’ll update at least once a week and I’ll be plugging along!
Many blessings!
~Rob

No comments:

Post a Comment